She's JV to your varsity
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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