So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
