i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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