I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
