He is an equal opportunity slut.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
