i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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