I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
