Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You are the jesus of drinking
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
