So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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