TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
