We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
