Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
