porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Drunk is not a location!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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