Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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