THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My feet surprised me
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