i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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