I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
