I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
