SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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