My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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