Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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