He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
