if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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