I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
