remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
