We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
