I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
