It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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