Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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