Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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