how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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