Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
