Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
