somebody snuck up and got me drunk
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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