This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
