I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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