they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
