Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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