I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
