Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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