She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
