I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
