I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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