I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize