remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
