remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
