so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
