I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
