I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
