I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize
