just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize