I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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