I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Couch. On fire.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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