Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize