hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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