i already hear my dad disowning me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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