cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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