We're like a lot better than the average bears
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just found puke in my bra..
Hippo gnu deer
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
