Don't you send me to vm
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
