I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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