if i can run in heels then i can drive
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
