i jhust puked up my retainher.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
