dude i'm inner monologue high
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
