I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
