She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
