Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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