I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
