I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize