your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
