if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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