i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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