I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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