I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
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