Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
