I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
