so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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