It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
