I wish I could teleport
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
