pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
