YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
ttyl tear gas
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
