Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
