Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
