I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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