I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
