We're facebook friends in real life
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
