god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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