I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
