My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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