I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize