i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
