I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
