Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
