those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
