so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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