I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
