i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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