just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
