Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize