Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
