Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
