im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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