Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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