Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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