One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
