Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
